It's all good.

I guess we got home around 230 or 3? well i went to sleep and woke up in the dark, with my barnacle child attached to me and didn't know what or where or any of that stuff for a few. It wasn't that bad, now that i am back here and think about it. I am being a good little mental patient and taking all of my drugs. Need to get 2 refills tomorrow.It really is hard, sometimes, to do that 'don't take anything personally' advice. There are a few people I love beyond reason, and goddamit, you know that is where the arrows can pierce any type of armour. I shouldn't have to explain my self and I won't. I will tell you about my weekend if you like, though. We were supposed to go visit invalid inlaw, but she was not up to it. I, myself was not up for travelling after such a week of illness and recalled memories of magnitude, just wanted to stay home and rest. Well, that is not even something i dare mention. So we go to hot springs. we go to my home away from home and bring the whole fam this time. Oh, who even cares. It was tense, it is still tense, i take all of my drugs and i still remember all the things I took such great care to bury deep in the dirt, old and new. I still do it, just forget in order to forgive. And now on top of feeling like i want to live in my jammies and pour my sour lemonade into keystrokes, i get one last little poke to make me want to cry. I despise crying. I feel like I have met my quota for life, and as with sleep, i want none of it. Sleep, my best friend, and worst enemy. it is easier to pull those poisoned arrows out, but seriously, i don't think i want to be in their path. Now tell us what you DO want? I want love, i know that is a tricky word, but love as in smiles and laughter serious conversations as well as complete nonsense. I want to be desired, not an annoying item to mark off of a to do list. I want to be understood, just the tiniest bit. I want to tell you about my broken-ish big toe, shaded the color of these letters, puffed up like popeye. Seems to thoroughly please a certain smug person every time they lay eyes on it. It pleases me. Brings me right back to the minute with barely any effort whatsoever.